Why You Get Anxious in Relationships (& How to Heal Anxious Attachment)
Feb 28, 2025Are you constantly checking your phone? Overthinking every text? Spiraling when they don't respond right away? Girl, your anxious attachment is showing—and I'm here to help you heal it! 💕
Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?
Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:
- 💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW
- 💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE
- 🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER
- 💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION
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Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, boo! 💜
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Why You Get Anxious in Your Relationship (Even When Things Seem Fine)
Helloooo gorgeous! 👋🏽 If you're an anxious girly who can't stop checking your phone and overthinking his texts, you are SO in the right place. Today, I'm spilling ALL the tea on why you get anxious in relationships and—more importantly—how to actually heal it from the inside out.
I know exactly where you're at—doing all the things (yoga, journaling, therapy, podcast binging) but still feeling stuck in that same anxious cycle. And let me tell you, I've BEEN there.
The #1 Mistake You're Making With Your Anxious Attachment
Here's the first truth bomb: most people try to heal anxious attachment by treating the SYMPTOMS rather than the ROOT. 💣
Think about it—have you tried:
- "Just don't text him back right away"
- "Put your phone on airplane mode"
- "Distract yourself with friends"
- "Just be more confident"
These strategies are like taking cough syrup for pneumonia. Sure, it might stop the coughing for an hour, but it's not addressing what's actually making you sick! 🤒
It's like my poison ivy nightmare last summer (omg, it was EVERYWHERE). I was on steroids for 60 days straight, which only made things worse because I wasn't treating the actual cause.
Your Subconscious Is Running the Show (& Ruining Your Relationships)
Your anxious attachment goes DEEP, boo. 🌊 It's not just about your conscious thoughts—it's about your subconscious thoughts, feelings, and actions that you're not even aware of!
This is why finding a secure partner often isn't enough. I tried that route too—found the most secure, wonderful human and then proceeded to NUKE the relationship because I hadn't done the deep subconscious work.
As much as we hate to admit it (cue Taylor Swift): "Hi, I'm the drama, it's me!" 🎤
When you don't heal from within, you'll just keep creating the same patterns, no matter who you're with. The common denominator? It's you, gorgeous (and me too—no judgment here!).
The High-Achiever's Anxious Attachment Problem
If you're slaying it in every area of your life EXCEPT your love life, there's a specific reason why.
For us high-achievers, the root often comes down to this toxic belief: "I'm only worthy of love because of what I DO, not who I AM." 😮💨
Does this sound familiar?
- You feel valuable when you accomplish things
- You've collected degrees, promotions, or achievements
- You're known as the "together" friend who crushes goals
- Deep down, you worry if anyone would love you without all your "doing"
This creates a relationship disaster because you're seeing love as TRANSACTIONAL. You've built your self-worth on doing, achieving, and performing—but love doesn't work that way!
When your anxious attachment flares up, you're actually afraid that if you don't DO enough (text perfectly, act perfectly, BE perfect), you'll lose their love.
Finding Your Root: Where Your Anxious Attachment Really Comes From
For me, my anxious attachment stemmed from early experiences where safety wasn't guaranteed. Maybe your household had:
- Unpredictability
- Emotional volatility
- Constant pressure to perform
- Love that felt conditional
You developed strategies to survive and get connection—whether that was being "perfect," people-pleasing, or constantly seeking reassurance.
The real root of ALL attachment styles is fear—how we responded to fear as kids, how we protected ourselves, and how we tried to feel safe when we were small.
Why Your Smart Girl Strategies Aren't Working
If you're a high-achieving girl, you're SMART. You've probably got a list of all the things you've tried to heal your anxious attachment.
But here's the twist—sometimes that "doing" and "knowing" mindset is exactly what's holding you back. 🙈
The Body-Focused Healing Approach (Your Secret Weapon!)
Before you can even tackle the mindset work, you need to start healing from a BODY perspective. Your nervous system holds the key!
Feeling is healing. We have to feel and allow our emotions to move through us, otherwise we'll always be at their mercy.
True healing comes from being present in your body and learning to regulate your nervous system. It's about creating safety from within so you don't need constant external reassurance.
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Practice presence in your body daily (even 5 minutes makes a difference!)
- Notice when you're seeking validation through "doing" rather than just being
- Get curious about your fear responses when relationship anxiety strikes
- Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies just like you 👯♀️
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:07] Why you're constantly checking your phone & overthinking texts
- [1:03] Why high-achieving women struggle in relationships despite success elsewhere
- [4:30] The mistake most people make trying to heal anxious attachment
- [8:16] How your subconscious is sabotaging your relationships
- [12:20] The connection between insecurity and anxious attachment
- [14:28] Finding the true root of your relationship anxiety
- [18:22] The body-focused approach to healing (that most people miss!)
Related Posts You'll Love:
- How to Tell the Difference Between Intuition and Anxiety
- 5 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable
- Why Secure People Keep Breaking Up With You
- The High-Achiever's Guide to Healing Attachment Wounds
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫
