Are you constantly stuck in that spiral of overthinking? Playing out fake scenarios in your head? Desperately seeking reassurance from your partner? Girl, those anxious attachment triggers are getting the best of you—and I'm here to show you how to stop them in their tracks! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

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Why Your Anxious Attachment Triggers Feel So Overwhelming

When anxious attachment gets triggered, it feels like the worst hangover possible—and I've had some bad ones, both alcohol and anxiety-induced! 🙈 That feeling where you can't tell up from down, where your thoughts spiral out of control, and where you find yourself doing things you later regret.

What's fascinating is how these triggers can show up even when you're with a good person who's consistently showing up for you. This is key—I'm talking to my high-achieving, perfectionistic girlies who are crushing it in every area of life EXCEPT relationships. You know who you are! The corporate ladder climber, the successful entrepreneur, the academic with letters behind your name (my favorite person, BTW).

Does this sound familiar? You're with someone who's actually doing a great job overall—they hear you, they're responsive, they're a good partner—but somehow it never feels like enough. That's the anxious attachment wound talking, not your intuition.

Acting From Your Wound vs. Acting From Healing

Here's the instant fix I promised: learning to identify when you're acting from your wound versus acting from a place of healing and vulnerability. This is GAME-CHANGING, boo! ✨

Think about it like this: Remember falling up or down the stairs in high school? So embarrassing, right? When we act from our wound, we:

• Walk it off and pretend it didn't hurt
• Look back to make an excuse ("that step was too high!")
• Blame something external ("these shoes are too slick")

Sound familiar? This is EXACTLY what we do with our relationship triggers! We pretend we're "fine" when we're not. We make excuses for why we're upset. We blame our partner or circumstances instead of acknowledging the real hurt.

But when we act from a place of healing and vulnerability, we approach those same triggers completely differently. And this is where the real transformation happens. 👑

The Trifecta for Healing Your Anxious Attachment Triggers

So what's the instant fix? It's a powerful three-part approach that my clients use to literally stop triggers in their tracks:

First, allow yourself to acknowledge the hurt. Instead of walking it off, say "Oof, that hurt" when something triggers you. "Oof, it hurt when they didn't text back right away." "Oof, it hurt that this person doesn't want a second date." This simple acknowledgment is HUGE.

Second, reflect with love instead of criticizing yourself. Reflection through the lens of love is completely different from the harmful self-criticism that keeps you stuck. You cannot heal and criticize yourself at the same time—I've tried, and it's simply impossible!

Third, take radical ownership of what's yours. This means acknowledging your anxieties and fears instead of expecting your partner to fix them. As I painfully learned right before getting married: nobody's coming to save you. Your feelings are valid, but you're responsible for them.

When you can implement this trifecta—acknowledging hurt, reflecting with love, and taking ownership—it's like having a superpower against those anxious attachment triggers. 🦸‍♀️

Why This Works When Nothing Else Has

What makes this approach so effective is that it cultivates what my yoga teacher calls "a deep sense of okayness." Can you be okay with how you're feeling right now? Can you be okay with making mistakes? Can you be okay with being imperfect?

For me, it took 500+ hours of yoga teacher training to truly understand how important this is! Cultivating this deep sense of okayness is the foundation for healing your anxious attachment.

The reason most approaches don't work is that they focus on behaviors rather than the root cause. They tell you to "just stop texting so much" or "distract yourself when you feel anxious." But those strategies never address the actual wound. 🤕

What's your relationship with vulnerability? For many high-achievers, vulnerability feels terrifying because you've built your worth on competence and performance. But here's the truth: vulnerability is the gateway to secure attachment.

What This Looks Like in Real Life: A Client Example

Let me share a real example from the mailbox. Shay asked: "How can I stop my overthinking, anxiety, and stress when my boyfriend goes to hang out with his friends for the day? He's never given me a reason not to trust him, always shows he cares, checks in, and is understanding. But I hate the feeling of knots in my stomach when he's away."

First, I want to acknowledge that Shay is already doing the essential first step: being aware. That awareness is crucial, but it's often frustrating because you might logically know he's trustworthy while still subconsciously self-sabotaging or suffering in silence.

This is what I call "arranging deck chairs on the Titanic." The power of the subconscious mind is that even though logically you know your partner has never given you a reason to doubt them, you're still getting eaten alive by anxiety. It's not because you're weak—it's because you're trying to outwill your subconscious, which simply doesn't work! 🤩

Everyone's subconscious is unique—it's like a house that's been constructed differently for each person. This is why one-size-fits-all approaches usually fail and why deeper support is often needed to truly heal these patterns.

The Real Truth About Healing Anxious Attachment

Here's something I want you to really understand about healing: it takes time and practice. There's no overnight fix, and that's okay! You're learning new skills and rewiring deep patterns.

Life is triggering (hello, getting cut off in traffic!), and you'll still get triggered even after healing. The difference is that these triggers won't ruin your life or make it impossible to work the next day. It's how you handle them when they come up that matters.

What I've found works best is consistent practice with accountability. That's why working with a coach or joining a community like the Healing Girl Gang can accelerate your healing so dramatically. You need both the tools AND the support to implement them consistently.

Remember that healing is messy, especially if you're a high achiever used to getting things perfect the first time. Taking action when you're not used to something is going to be messy—and that often holds us back. Give yourself permission to be imperfect in your healing journey. 💖

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Practice the trifecta approach next time you're triggered—acknowledge the hurt, reflect with love, and take radical ownership
2. Cultivate a sense of okayness with your emotions instead of trying to push them away or fix them immediately
3. Notice when you're walking it off rather than acknowledging that something hurt you emotionally
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies who are on the same journey

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:00] Introduction to anxious attachment triggers and what they feel like
• [0:53] Setting realistic expectations for healing deep subconscious patterns
• [2:42] Introduction to Claire and who this podcast is for
• [4:04] The sensitive topic warning about food relationships
• [5:05] Personal story about Claire's relationship with shame and control
• [7:35] The core fix: identifying when you're acting from your wound vs. healing
• [9:50] The importance of reflection and taking ownership
• [14:28] How to cultivate a deep sense of okayness
• [18:53] Mailbox question about anxiety when boyfriend goes out with friends
• [20:34] Why you can't outwill your subconscious mind

Related Posts You'll Love:

• Why You Get Anxious in Relationships (& How to Heal Anxious Attachment)
• How to Tell the Difference Between Intuition and Anxiety
• 5 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable
• 3 Steps to Ditch the Mind Drama of Overthinking Your Relationship

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫